Thursday, September 9, 2010

Impending Doom

I tend to be a very "live in the moment" type of person. Sure, I plan for down the road, but its all in my head. I hardly ever act on anything until its actually here in front of me, and I have no choice.  I also tend to feel/think that if I ignore something, it will go away.  My mom used to get so irritated with me over that.  Not a very successful way of living, but its me.

Lately, however, I've had this sense of impending doom.  Constant fear.  I feel as though something terrible is just around the corner, waiting to happen.  Everytime I or Josh gets in the car to drive somewhere, I'm sure there's going to be an accident.  When Josh was hunting by himself, my gut told me he was going to cut himself with his skinning knife and bleed to death.  Or someone is going to break into our house.  Or my house is going to break down.  Or I'm going to get cancer.  Every.  Single.  Thing.  Scares.  Me.

This is a totally new feeling for me.  And I can't stand it!  I'm constantly double checking electrical outlets to make sure I unplugged things.  Calling Josh 50 times a day, and feeling a lump in my throat if he doesn't answer.  Thinking every single sore throat or headache is a major medical trauma waiting to happen.

I have no clue what sparked this new-found fearfulness.  Nothing traumatic has happened, nothing has changed, no one is sick.  I just feel as though I have this massive black cloud right behind me, waiting to downpour.

Can someone bring me an umbrella?


Mandy McMahan said...

You have just totally described the type of anxiety I always have. Everything you wrote is EXACTLY what I deal with. I worry about that stuff all the time. So much so that it is just a normal thing for me to consider the car accident, the break-in, the fall that knocks Emma's teeth out ... all the time. I know this isn't the way God wants us to live, but I'm telling you this because you're not alone! It's a sucky feeling to have. We should talk more. There are ways to make that go away, but the longer you let it go on, the easier it will be for your brain to go those scary places. Things in this world are scary ... but we have to remember that God is GOOD and He loves us and even if there's something difficult/painful around the corner, somehow He will bring us through it. It's a daily struggle for me!

S.I.F. said...

I HATE that feeling! Hope it passes soon lady!