I Had It All Planned Out

I am such a Type-A person, who likes plans, and schedules, and lists.  I applied all of these principles to Owen's pregnancy and birth, and obviously a great deal of my plans didn't work out.

Lane's pregnancy was a complete surprise to us- we were NOT expecting to become pregnant, but it was a welcome blessing that we absolutely would not change.

Owen's pregnancy was very much planned; we knew we wanted to add another baby to our family, we knew when we wanted that to happen, and happen it did, right on schedule.

I had plans to pack our hospital bags, Lane's suitcase, and install the infant car seat soon after my baby shower, right around 36 weeks.  I even spent the evening before I went into labor discussing all of my plans with my mom!  Little did I know, I would go into labor that night, and would be rushing home the next day to throw stuff in a bag to take to Tacoma.

Although I had a great experience with my epidural with  Lane, I REALLY wanted to have a natural childbirth this time around.  So, like with everything I do, I began researching.  I read blogs, I read books, I watched YouTube videos, I talked to people, I practiced labor techniques, etc.  I really felt like I could do this.  And guess what?  I got an epidural.  And I don't regret it.  I think the stress of the situation and just how quickly everything was progressing made me feel out of control.  At home, I was able to use natural childbirth laboring techniques to manage the pain.  But after arriving at the hospital, everything was so rushed that I was never able to calm myself, remember what I had practiced, or put it into practice.  Because of Owen's prematurity, there was no laboring in a tub or shower, no bouncing on a birth ball, no trying different labor positions.  I arrived at the hospital so dilated (7cm and bulging water) that we had to move quickly to get antibiotics in me, get an IV started, get a team assembled to care for Owen, etc.  The epidural gave us a few minutes to calm down, realize the severity of the situation, and talk about what would likely happen once he was born.  I think that if we decide to have more babies, I would be able to handle a normal, term delivery naturally, and that is something I hope I get to experience.

With Lane's birth, he had to go to the Special Care Nursery a few minutes after birth due to difficulty with breathing.  I was able to hold him when he was born, but didn't get to breastfeed him for several hours.  I also missed him being weighed and measured and bathed.  I was so excited to have that experience this time around- and again it didn't go as planned.  I even told Josh one weepy night "I just want to give birth to a baby and be able to keep him with me for once!".

I had planned to have Lane at the hospital when Owen was born, so that Lane could be the first person from our family to meet him.  I wanted Lane to come into our room, climb on the bed with me, and meet his brother (and learn his name, since that was a secret).  I wanted Josh to walk into the waiting room filled with our family, and announce that Owen Ellis Davis was born (since none of them knew his name either).  Instead, Lane was at Josh's mom's house, and while my family was in the waiting room, they only got to see Owen through his incubator walls on his way to Tacoma General.  When Lane saw Owen for the first time, he was in his incubator, attached to tubes and machines, and I wasn't there.  I missed the first interaction between my boys, and it breaks my heart.

So, if this labor and birth experience has taught me nothing else, it has taught me to "go with the flow" more.  I am (slowly) learning to let go of things, and just embrace what comes.  It doesn't mean I won't still try to plan things, but at least I can accept when things don't go as planned!

A Trip Down Memory Lane

While going through the videos on our video camera, I found this one from while I was in labor with Lane. Josh was bored and playing with the camera, and I was lying in bed after getting my epidural, just waiting until it was time to push. I can still feel that anxious excitement, knowing our son was just hours from being born.

Birth Story, Part 3

Now that the doctor was in position, I was able to push freely with each contraction.  I would feel one coming, and Josh would start to count to ten while I held onto the backs of my legs.  Stephanie and Josh each help one leg, and as soon as Josh got to ten, I would stop pushing, take another deep breath, hold it, and push for another count of ten.  We did this three times for each contraction.

I couldn't feel a difference between contractions, as in Lane moving down or not.  But all of a sudden, it burned.  The doctor had me stop pushing, which was HARD, so he wouldn't come out too quickly.  And then with one more big push, and one more small push, Lane Marshall Davis was born.

It was 3:06 AM, and I had only pushed for 13 minutes.

It also happened to be my Dad's birthday.  We had always jokey that maybe Lane would be born on his birthday, but never did he actually expect it to happen.

Lane was immediately placed on my belly, and Josh cut his umbilical cord.  He was then moved up to my chest for skin-to-skin contact, and the nurses helped me wipe him off a little.  I always wondered if I would be grossed out by my baby being covered in all that "goo", but I saw right past it to my beautiful new son.  I kissed his little head, and held his tiny hand.  I am so thankful we had our camera handy, as Josh was able to capture photos of Lane's first moments of life; pictures I will cherish forever.

Although Lane was crying after he was born, the nurses called it "singing", as it wasn't the deep, strong, clear cry they wanted him to have.  We kept rubbing him with blankets, tickling his feet, etc., but he just didn't want to cry very strongly.  So, although I had plans to breastfeed him right away, the baby nurse took him to his isolette to check him out.  His color was great, but they just weren't quite satisfied with his crying, even after suctioning his nose and mouth out more.  So, they called in a nurse from the Special Care Nursery.

I was terrified something was wrong, but I was stuck in my hospital bed, unable to go be by Lane's side.  The new nurse came in with a cart of machines, and hooked him up to an oxygen meter.  His oxygen levels were great, which was a relief.  After spending several minutes with him, the nurse decided to take him down to the Special Care Nursery for further evaluation.  She wrapped him in a blanket, and handed him to Josh for the first time.  Josh brought Lane over to me, so I could hold him one more time before they took him away.  Luckily, Josh was allowed to go with the nurse, so he took the camera and off they went.

I was left in my room, with just my nurse, wondering if my new baby would be okay.  Amazingly, I didn't cry though.  I think my emotions were so all over the place, I was too in shock to cry.

Stephanie asked if I wanted to invite any family in with me so I wouldn't be alone.  I told her my mom and Josh's mom could come back.  They came in, all smiles, looking around the room.  And then I had to explain that my new sweet baby was not okay.  I could tell they both tried to act like it wasn't a big deal, so that I wouldn't worry even more.

Eventually the rest of our family came in, and Josh came back with an update.  Lane was doing okay, but they still wanted to monitor him for a little longer.  He was breathing on his own, his oxygen levels were fine, and he was awake and alert, but still sounded kind of congested in his lungs.  We (or I) still didn't know how much Lane weighed or how long he was, and thats when Josh told me he was 8 lbs. 5.7 oz, and 21 1/4 inches long.  He also brought my camera back with him, so I could see pictures.

Our family went back out to stand outside the nursery door so they could look through the window, and were lucky enough to be able to go in and visit him.  It broke my heart that I couldn't go down there yet, and that everyone was getting to know my new baby before me.

Luckily, Josh was able to be present to watch them weigh him, bathe him, and see him alert and looking around.  Around 5:30 AM, the nurse took me to the nursery to try to nurse Lane.  While still in my wheelchair, they handed my precious boy to me, still hooked up to the monitors.  The nurses were great about helping me get Lane latched on, and also explaining what each machine was.  They assured me he was doing great, and it wouldn't be long before he would be back in my room.

After only ten minutes or so, I started to feel light-headed.  Not wanting to risk dropping Lane, I had Josh call for the nurse, and I was taken back to my room to lie down.  I hated leaving Lane after such a short time, but I knew I was putting him at risk by trying to fight it.

The pediatrician from the office we had chosen that was doing rounds at the hospital that day was coming in at 8 AM, and so we knew we had to wait for her to evaluate Lane before there was a possibility of him coming to our room.  I watched the clock, and finally at 8:30 AM, the nurse and doctor came in, pushing a bassinet with my swaddled son inside.  The doctor explained that because Lane came so quickly, he didn't have enough time to be "squeezed" by my body, which helps expel all the congestion in his respiratory system.  So, he needed extra time to get all that out.  Dr. O'Leary gave us things to watch for, and it was reassuring knowing our new nurse, Erin, was experienced in working in the Special Care Nursery.

So, we settled into a rhythm of nursing, changing diapers, being poked/prodded by nurses, and hosting visitors.  I don't think either of really slept more than an hour or two, as we were running on adrenaline.

There were a few times we called the nurse to come check on Lane, as his breathing sounded abnormal.  Each time, he checked out just fine.  I think because of the earlier scare, we were extra paranoid.  But each time, we were reassured that it was better to have him checked than to ignore it.

Overall, our birth experience was extraordinary.  It still seems surreal to me, and each time I think about it, I remember a different detail I missed the previous time.  It still amazes me that I have a son, and that I am now a mom.  Thinking about my pregnancy, labor and delivery, and now having Lane home with us still brings me to tears- he is changing so quickly, and now at almost six weeks old, he is a completely different baby than just a few short weeks ago.  Although this birth story has been loooooong, I'm so glad I took the time to document it, if only for my own sake down the road.

Birth Story, Part 2

LE04 was a Labor and Delivery Evaluation room – basically triage.  We had been in these rooms before; once after my car accident at 25 weeks, and once the night before when I went in for fetal movement monitoring.  Our nurse’s name was Stephanie, and we LOVED her.  She honestly was a huge factor in what made our labor experience so wonderful.  I peed in a cup, put a gown on, and climbed into the bed.  Stephanie hooked me up to a fetal monitor, a contraction monitor, a blood pressure cuff, and a pulse oximeter.  Lane was doing fine, but my blood pressure was again high.  She checked my cervix, and I was still only 4 cm dilated.  She then told me I would probably be asked to walk around the hospital for an hour, to see if any progress could be made.  However, after consulting with the on-call doctor, she told me I would not have to walk, as my blood pressure needed to be monitored.  So, I stayed in bed for the next hour, having near-constant contractions. 

After a little while, Stephanie came back in and had me try lying on my side, as Lane kept moving away from the monitor.  I couldn’t get comfortable in any position; having to stay where I was and not be able to move around during contractions killed me.  I kept telling Josh, “What if they send me home?  I can’t get back in the car and ride 30+ minutes.  I don’t want to go home.”  It basically continued like this for another 45 min. or so.  I would have a horrible contraction, Josh would dig his fists into my low back as hard as he could, the contraction would end, and I would panic over whether or not I was going home.  Then, we would do it all over again.

Finally, about an hour after getting into our room, Stephanie and Dr. Gage came in to assess my progress.  When Dr. Gage checked me, I just kept silently praying that there would be progress.

And there was!  I was 5 cm dilated, and Lane had moved down even more.  Dr. Gage said she would get the paperwork going to have me admitted, and Stephanie told me she already had a room ready for me because she could tell when we arrived that we would probably be staying.  They both knew I wanted an epidural, so the request was already in for the anesthesiologist to down.


Stephanie said I could be unhooked from the monitors for the time being, which meant I was able to get up and move around.  This was a HUGE relief, as I could get into whatever position felt most comfortable during a contraction.


Josh and I kept smiling and giggling, still not really believing we were going to be having our baby soon.  We took this time of waiting for our room to start calling our families.  We used the hospital room phone, knowing it would show up on people's caller ID's as "Providence St. Peter's".  We called Josh's mom, Josh's dad, my parents, and my boss (I had to let her know I wouldn't be coming to work the next day!).  Everyone was so excited, and we knew the waiting room would soon be filling up with our families.


Shortly after, Stephanie came back in to our room, and we made the move to our labor suite.  I was hooked back up to all the monitors, and my IV was started.  Being 39 weeks pregnant, I constantly had to pee, and having an IV of fluids didn't help matters.  I was still having horrible contractions, but Stephanie reassured me the anesthesiologist would be arriving soon.

Not long after moving, our families arrived!  My mom and dad, Josh's mom and step-dad, Josh's dad, my aunt Pam, and my cousin Jessica all showed up to await the arrival of baby Lane.  It was slightly awkward having everyone in the room, because everyone was standing around talking while I was having contractions, and I was trying to not moan/groan/scream too much.  At one point, Jessica asked how many kids I wanted, as I've always said two or three.  I simply held up my arm straight in the arm, with my pointer finger sticking up, and proclaimed, "ONE!".  I also told Josh that next time I said I wanted a baby, just to get me a puppy instead.  Obviously, the pain from labor was hindering my thoughts on wanting more children.  No one stayed long, as it was about time for the anesthesiologist.

But then, Stephanie came to deliver the bad news- the doctor had been called into emergency heart surgery, so they had to call another anesthesiologist from home to come in.  So obviously, it would be a little longer before I got my epidural.  Stephanie offered me a shot in my IV to help with the pain in the meantime, but I told her I thought I could handle waiting.  I so badly wanted to be strong, and push myself through the pain.  I continued with the contractions, but soon I was telling Josh I didn't think I could handle it anymore.  I was almost in tears, and literally felt like I could not make it through another contraction.  He told me I was doing great, and that if I needed that shot, it was just fine.  I intended to tell Stephanie when she came back in that I wanted the pain shot.  As soon as she walked through the door, however, she announced that the anesthesiologist was here!  In he came, with all of his tools, and he got to work.

The epidural itself wasn't painful; it was having contractions while in a scrunched-up position without being able to move that was rough.  Josh had to sit in a chair away from me, and I know it killed him to watch me be in pain without being able to help.

I want to say here how amazing of a job Josh did while I was in labor.  He stayed calm, which helped keep me calm.  He also knew that I needed kind, supportive encouragement, rather than harsher support (like he would need in a similar situation).  He helped me remember to breath long, slow, deep breaths, rather than short and shallow ones that I tended towards.  I was so thankful to have him there with me, and cannot wait to experience it all over again when we have child #2.

My mom giving me a pep talk!

So, after I received my epidural, I could immediately feel its effects.  My left side was affected more than the right, so I laid on my right side to try to let gravity move the medication towards that side.  I could still slightly feel my contractions, but they were barely noticeable.  I did, however, get sick right after having the epidural, which wasn't pleasant.  So much for that pizza...  At this time, Stephanie inserted my catheter, as I didn't think I could wait any longer to use the bathroom, and obviously I couldn't feel my legs.  What an amazing feeling it was to finally not have that feeling- all pregnant women should have a catheter for the entire 40 weeks!

Everyone got a kick out of watching the contractions on the monitor, since I couldn't feel them.

Now that I was feeling good again, we invited our family back in for a short while.  I told everyone how amazing of an invention the epidural was, and that I could NOT see how anyone would labor without one!  Right after receiving the epidural, I got the shakes really badly.  I didn't feel cold, but I couldn't make my teeth quit chattering or the rest of my body quit shaking.  This really freaked Josh out, and everyone kept asking if I was cold and needed more blankets.  I kept saying no, but finally accepted a warmed blanket to make everyone feel better.

Dr. Gage came in soon after, and announced she was going to break my water.  Our family retreated to the waiting room, with the promise that we would update them with progress as it came.  Dr. Gage broke my water with her little tool, and it was a weird and slightly gross feeling to have the warm liquid running down my legs without being able to stop it.  I was also given Pitocin, to help progress my contractions.  Stephanie explained that the contractions were "coupling", meaning I was having 2-3 contractions in a row without much of a break in between.  The Pitocin would hopefully make that stop.  Since now we just had to sit and wait, we decided to rest.  We had the lights dimmed, and turned on the TV to try to lull ourself to sleep.  I think I slept more than Josh, but I still didn't sleep much.  We had planned on telling our family when we got to 8-9 cm, so they would know pushing would be happening soon.

I started feeling a lot of pain in my pelvic bones around 1:30 AM, and mentioned it to the nurse.  Stephanie said she wasn't surprised, as she had noticed slight decelerations in Lane's heartrate, which often happens as the baby's head is moving through the pubic bones.  She said pushing wouldn't be far off!

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to tell when I had to push, and I kept telling Josh how nervous I was about pushing.  I was afraid of the pain, of it taking hours and hours, of not knowing if I was doing it right.  Well, about 2:15 AM, I could DEFINITELY tell I was nearing pushing!  The pressure I felt was very distinct, and there was no mistaking it.  I paged Stephanie to tell her, and she came to check for progress.  I was between 9 and 10 cm dilated!  She said it would be very soon, and she started making preparations for the actual delivery.  Around 2:50, she had Josh grab one of my legs, and she grabbed the other, and she had me practice pushing.  Well after one contraction (three pushes), they could see Lane's head!  It felt so amazing to push, as it relieved the pressure I was feeling.  Josh was amazed at being able to see Lane's head, and announced he wanted to watch the whole delivery (he originally said he wanted to stay up by my head).  Stephanie continued to prepare things, and paged Dr. Gage to let her know she would be needed soon.  Whenever I felt a contraction coming, I told Stephanie, and she let me push.  In between, Josh texted his mom to let everyone know I was pushing and NOT to come into our room.

Lane's bed waiting for him.

Dr. Gage and a baby nurse arrived in our room, and took their positions at the foot of the bed.  Lane's birth was just around the corner...